Ok – Let’s talk turkey. In Part One, I promised you I would talk about my struggle to find the secret to taming the HR Fat Dragon. I believe I have found it, but the final results are not in yet. So, let me start by telling you what I have tried on my way.
Diets
So, I have read a thousand different diet ideas and really they all make sense. Have you had this problem? I believe if it makes sense it must work. I guess that’s how the diet gurus make their money. Take it from a veteran dieter, just because it makes “cents” does not mean it will help you lose weight.
I do agree that perhaps I just needed to find the way of eating that works for my taste buds. I have a few stipulations that seemed to be deal breakers for some diet strategies. (That makes it sound more like HR. 🙂 )
- No diet sodas with chemicals
- I can’t “give up” ice cream
- I refuse to denounce chocolate
- I must be able to eat fruit
- I am not a total carnivore
- I need pizza to live
Calorie Counting
I tried to watch every calorie I put in my mouth and find the threshold that worked for me. It turns out, I can eat anything I want as long as I don’t exceed 1200 calories each day. Seriously? Everything I want is about 1000 calories per meal. So, I had to find a better way. I can’t be deprived or starved. The rebellious side of me just said NO! HR has made me stubborn. I am convinced of this.
Exercise
Next, I kept hearing “All you need to do is exercise”. Supermodels who say they eat all day long and all they have to do is exercise are not telling you the entire story.
- They exercise 4 hours each day.
- They eat cotton balls and drink water
- Some are able to eat a bit more than cotton balls, but they are also 20 years old.
- Oh yeah. I hate to exercise.
I get some exercise. But, HR keeps me chained to a desk and break-time never seems to come. My exercise comes in the form of pecking away at the keyboard or fast-walking through airports. I really don’t have the time to spend on a 4 hour per day exercise program. I know, you are going to tell me to just try 30 minutes each day. That is a good idea. But, today, I can’t make it work. Maybe tomorrow.
Drugs
Next, I tried drugs. No, not cocaine. You may have heard of some of the weight-loss drugs that are out on the market. I tried couple to see what would happen. I know how this sounds. I won’t drink diet sodas, but I will take drugs to lose weight. I had to see if they worked.
Qsymia worked for a few months. I lost about 20 pounds. But, then the weight loss dwindled and I was at a plateau I could not seem to break. I tried Belviq for 5 days and this med made me feel depressed. So, then I went off all drugs and tried to just “eat right” again. But, that battle was quickly lost. I was back to bad snacking habits HR had taught me so well.
Hopeless
I was just about ready to give up and resign myself to just being the “Fat HR Lady”. We have an Evil HR Lady and an HR Bartender, so why not a Fat one too?!
My Dr. didn’t find this amusing and like a good scientist insisted my theory was wrong and HR was not to blame for my abundant abdominal area. We did some blood-work. He tested me for everything. Tubes and tubes and tubes of normal results. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy that my chemistries are normal, but come on. Was the problem just my will-power?
Hint: It wasn’t.
Come back for Part Three and I will explain what we found and how this knowledge has helped me to begin losing real weight. HR Dragon, I am coming for you!!!
Until Next Time, Be Audit-Secure!
(and don’t let HR get the best of you!)
Lisa Smith
